In this Dream We Call Reality
by CarganForever
Summary: Carlos can't get Logan out of his head. How long can he last before telling Logan how he really feels? How does their relationship develop after? Cargan. :3  Rated T for Language. No smex.  No hurt/comfort in the first chapter, but there will be later.
1. Chapter 1: Big Time Confessions

_**Big Time Confessions**_

**Summary:** Carlos can't get Logan out of his head. How long can he last before telling Logan how he really feels? Carlos' POV. Cargan. :3

**Author's Note: **My first fanfic ever! :D please review, but cut me a little slack. It IS my first fanfic after all. Sorry if Carlos isn't as Carlos-y as he is in the show. Rated T for language. Sorry, no smex.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but the plot. I do wish I owned Carlos and Logan though... I'd make them kiss every day. :D

_About o__ne year before having moved to the Palmwoods_

I was sitting in homeroom, waiting for the bell to ring. I dreaded starting school again. It was grey and cloudy outside, and snow had been lightly falling, like it had been for the past week. My day suddenly brightened up when he walked in the room though.

"Logie!" I called out. He looked in my direction and smiled. I swear, I melt every time I see him show those pearly white teeth and those adorable dimples. FUCK. Why did he have to be so fucking cute? There could not have been a more amazing person ever. As cliché as it may sound, the mold was broken after he was made.

"Carlitos!" He said as he walked over to sit next to me. "I'm so glad you're here. I have news for everyone… Hey, where are Kendall and James?"

"I dunno. I think they're – oh look, there they are!" I waved over at them. They nodded their heads in acknowledgment and went to take the seats behind us. Hmm… us. Logan and me. Together… *sigh*

"You OK, Carlos?" Logan asked. Shit, I sighed out loud, didn't I?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just disappointed that the weekend is already over and school's starting again," I lied.

"Well I have the perfect plan to start off the week," Kendall said. He said nothing more, and I was too excited to sit still. The rest of the day went by incredibly slowly, and each minute seemed to mock me. I really wanted to know what Kendall had planned for us, but he promised that he'd tell us after school. However, I was soon distracted by thoughts of Logan. *sigh*

_After school_

We all sat around Mrs. Knight's living room, groaning in pain. Turns out, Kendall wanted to prank the girls' hockey team by placing fake but hideous and bloody heads in their lockers. I jumped at the chance, but Logan warned us that we'd only get hurt. The girls ended up finding out that we were the pranksters and had chased us throughout the whole neighborhood. We should've listened to Logan. He was usually always right… My Logan… My babyboo… I really just could not stop daydreaming about him. I started to wonder if it was healthy to be this obsessed, so I started to imagine what Logan would say if I had told him that about "an incredible person who was on my mind 24/7." Oh look, I'm thinking about him again…

My train of thought – with Logan as the conductor – was suddenly broken when Kendall spoke up. "Hey guys, sorry about the whole thing. I should've thought out our hiding place better."

James, Logan and I started laughing. Logan said, "There's nothing to be sorry about, Kendall. As much pain as we're all in right now, it was fun."

Kendall smiled, somewhat sadly, and then turned to me and said, "I'm especially sorry that your helmet ended up breaking because of that."

I looked sadly down at the two pieces of what used to be my helmet. Who knew that that could happen? "It's alright. I think that just means it's time for a new helmet!"

Logan turned towards me and said, "You wanna get one now? I need to walk off this pain, and I know this place that sells really good helmets for fairly cheap prices." I didn't know my babyboo knew that much about helmets… but then again, he is a genius. I nodded, not only excited to get a new helmet, but also thrilled that I'd get to spend some alone time with Logie.

"You guys want to come to?" he said to James and Kendall. *sigh* Scratch the alone time part.

"I'm ok," James said. "I don't think walking is gonna help me."

Kendall agreed. "I just need to stay here and ice myself." Yay! I guess I _will_ get to spend some alone time with my Logan. I smiled to myself at the thought.

Logan shrugged. "Alright. See you guys later." He grabbed my wrist and quickly dragged me out the door. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was eager to get away from Kendall and James to spend some alone time with me too. But I knew that was just me getting my hopes up. He was still holding onto my wrist as we walked down the street. I wished that he would've grabbed my hand instead. To be able to hold hands with Logan… to be able to call him mine… I started to daydream again, completely forgetting about getting a new helmet.

The whole walk was silent. I couldn't stop thinking about being and wishing to be Logan's boyfriend. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't know what to say. I felt like I should tell him how I felt about him, but how could I word it so that he wouldn't freak out and run away? I mean, I know that he's not homophobic – we had run into many gay guys at our school before. Of course, they had flirted with him a little – I really hated them for even thinking they could get with _my_ Logan – but he always let them down gently. I think that just made them love him more… I know it did for me. But I really didn't want to be added to the list of guys he had rejected, and I even more strongly didn't want him to freak out. Logan is my best friend, and I didn't want to lose him or make anything awkward between us. I silently let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, sadly realizing that I might have to keep silent about my feelings for my whole life if I wanted to keep my friendship with him.

Suddenly we stopped. There were no buildings around, just trees surrounding a field of snow, with benches close to the edges and around the fountain at the center. My curiosity got the better of me. "Logie? What are we doing at the park?" I finally said, breaking the silence. Logan had been leading me the whole way here, and he stood in front of me, but facing away. He didn't speak up. "Logie?" I asked, a little worried. He still hadn't responded, and instead just looked down.

My imagination started acting up. What if he was a vampire, and had plotted this scheme to get me away from James and Kendall, somehow hypnotizing them into staying at Mrs. Knight's, so that he could drink all my blood? What if he was secretly joining a gang, and had led me here to complete his initiation by killing me? What if – I mentally slapped myself for thinking like that. This is _Logan_, and he'd never do anything like that. He was too nice a person to hurt anyone, especially a friend.

"Logan?" I tried to get his attention again. He seemed frozen in place. I stepped in front of him so I could see his face. He was shaking, and I could see a tear running down his cheek. "Logan, what's wrong?" I asked, scared that he was in a lot of pain. I started stuttering, completely worried about him. "D-do you need to go b-back? A-are you hurting? Are you c-cold?" I pulled him into a hug in case he was cold, but mostly because I wanted to be close to him.

I felt Logan shake his head. "You're stuttering. Don't worry, Carlos, I'm fine." I could almost feel him smile. "I'm just starting to have second thoughts about what I was going to do… I'm sorry."

I pulled away, still worried. "Sorry? About what? What were you going to do?"

Logan was still looking at the ground. He stayed silent for a few seconds, taking a few deep breaths before responding, "Nothing."

"Logan, you're lying. You always breathe deeply before you lie. What were you going to do? Come on, we're best friends, right? We can tell each other anything!" Well, almost anything…

Logan started shaking a little more, and I saw another tear run down his cheek. "Logan, please tell me…"

Almost too quickly for me to comprehend, he suddenly blurted out, "Carlos, I like you. I'm not sure why, but ever since we started high school, I started liking you – as _more_ than just a friend. You're just so sweet and nice and funny and cute and just generally amazing, and I found myself falling for you. And the only reason we're out here right now is because I wanted to spend some time with just you, and I was planning on telling you how I felt, but you were silent for the whole walk and I started getting nervous and I stopped here thinking that some courage would come back, but I'm more nervous now than ever and… and…" Logan finally looked up at me, but all I could do was stare back at him, speechless and shocked that he just told me he liked me the same way I liked him.

After a few seconds of Logan's mouth hanging open, a sign that he was still trying to find the words he wanted to say, he continued, "And… now you hate me. Y-you hate my guts for having told you this, f-for making things awkward between us a-and ruining our friendship."

I was still too shocked to say anything, or fully comprehend what he was saying now. "I-I… I'm sorry, Carlos." Logan was sobbing now. And stupid me was still speechless. "I-I-I'm sorry about everything…" He rubbed his eyes, then ran his hands through his chocolate-brown hair, pulling slightly before saying, "I… I… I have to go." He turned and started running.

Suddenly, everything clicked in my head, and I snapped out of my trance. "Logan!" I yelled, grabbing his wrist before he could get very far. "Wait!"

"I-I-I'm s-sorry, C-Carlos, o-o-ok?" Logan tried to control his crying, but it was obvious that he was having a hard time. "I-I-I sh-sh-should've j-j-j-just-t k-kept-t-t m-my m-mouth shut-t."

I pulled him back into another hug, trying to comfort him by rubbing his back. "Don't be sorry," I told him. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have kept quiet the whole time, but I didn't mean to. I was just shocked that…" I pulled away for the second time, but this time so I could look into his gorgeous eyes. "… that… that you felt the exact same way I've felt about you. That you liked _me_ for that long. That I liked _you_ ever since starting high school too. That you feared the same thing I did – our friendship falling apart because of a confession. Logan, please stop crying. I love you, and it kills me inside to see you this way."

Logie just stared into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity before saying under his breath, more to himself than anyone else, "Oh my God… you're not just saying that… you actually mean it…"

"Logie, of course I mean it. I just can't get you out of my head anymore. I always daydream of being able to say, 'You're mine.' Of being able to call you my boyfriend. Of being able to call you my babyboo." I blushed at the last confession. I think it sounded a lot better in my head than it actually did.

But Logan just smiled. He had stopped crying, and was giving me one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen. He wrapped his arms over my shoulders and around my neck. "I've been doing the same thing. Except that last part. I'm not that corny," he said playfully.

"Oh shaddup," I said, rolling my eyes and wrapping my arms around his waist. He smiled and pressed his forehead against mine. I couldn't help but smile too. I swear, I was the happiest guy alive. I finally had my babyboo – my Logie – in my arms the way I've wanted for so long. I leaned in a little more, and Logan did the same, until we finally kissed. We didn't start making out, but I didn't mind. Just finally being able to kiss my Logan made me more than happy. Besides, I thought it was kind of romantic, kissing outside in the snow.

When we finally pulled away, I bit my bottom lip, trying to suppress a smile. I don't know why I did, or why I even tried to, because just looking at my Logie now made me way too happy to control.

Logan suddenly looked confused. Oh shit, this isn't just a dream, is it? "Logie, what's wrong?" I asked, fearing the worst.

"Umm… I just can't remember… what were we doing before this?" he replied.

"Honestly, I don't remember either, but I don't care. I just wanna stay here by your side." I chuckled and said, "I don't think you know how happy you've ma – "

Suddenly, a look of realization popped up on Logie's face. He grabbed my hand and started running. "Where are we going?" I said, trying to keep up.

He looked back at me and smiled. "I remembered what we were doing! We were going to get you a new helmet!"

I stopped running and pulled him back. He looked at me confused. "We don't have to…"

Logan looked a little surprised. "Really? I mean, you really like wearing a helmeeeeeeeeh– " This time I started running.

"I know!" I said, smiling and looking back while I half-dragged my boyfriend through the snow. This time he stopped and pulled me back.

"Ok, I'm confused now," he told me.

I chuckled. "I just wanted to lead this time," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. He smiled and rolled his eyes, and we started running again, still holding each other's hand.

**Author's Note:** The End! I hope you enjoyed! Please review! I'm not sure if I want to keep the story a oneshot, or continue with a storyline, so tell me what you think! :D


	2. Chapter 2: Paradise, Part 1

_**Paradise, Part 1**_

**Summary:** [No summary. I don't want to give anything away. Sorry!] Logan's POV

**Warning:** Character death. BUT I PROMISE THAT THERE'S A PURPOSE TO IT!

**Author's Note:** I decided to continue the story. Sorry for taking so long to write the next chapter. School has kept me super busy. I should be doing homework right now. Haha. Anyways, I was planning on writing this as a oneshot, but I decided to incorporate it into this story so that there's some development in Carlos and Logan's relationship. I kinda felt that it worked. :3 I also decided to split said oneshot into two separate chapters because it was getting long, and I wanted to update. Besides, I feel that where I stopped was the perfect place. Just so you know, the boys have already moved to the Palmwoods and have met Jo and Camille. :)

* * *

_Hawaii_

It's been a year now. One year of having been in a relationship with Carlos Garcia. I could honestly say that it was the best year of my life. I loved him ever since I realized that I was gay. I almost couldn't believe that I could now sleep next to him at night, wrap my arms around him, kiss him whenever I wanted, and feel every single one of my feelings for him reciprocated.

We were vacationing in Hawaii with James, Kendall, and Jo. (We invited Camille, but she politely refused, saying that she was going to start filming in a new role she had landed. She had taken the fact that I was gay – and in love with Carlos – pretty well. It was surprising, but I was glad.) James was hoping to find a hot Hawaiian with whom to go out. Kendall and Jo were having a great time hanging out with each other on the beach, just like Carlos and I were. We found our own secluded spot and relaxed. No recording sessions, no Gustavo yelling at us, and no paparazzi snapping pictures. It was awesome. I really hated the paparazzi – they just couldn't mind their own damn business. Carlos didn't seem to mind though. He told me it was a chance to show the world that I was his. I swear, he's just so adorable.

I was totally comfortable, sitting on the sand between his legs, with his arms wrapped around me, leaning back into his chest, facing the setting sun. Everything was just perfect. But something just didn't seem right. "Carlos?" I said.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Do you ever get the feeling that something… bad… is about to happen?"

"Not when I'm with you," he replied.

He never failed to make me feel better when something upset me. I smiled. "You're so corny," I responded, rolling my eyes. Then I sat up a bit, turned my head, and kissed him on the cheek.

"I don't care," he said as I kissed him. "You love me anyways." The sun had already set over the ocean, and all that remained was an orange glow that was quickly fading to the black of night. Carlos let go of me and stood up. "Let's go home, Logie. It's getting late." He took my hand in his as he helped me up, and we started walking back to our hotel.

We were quiet in the first part of our walk back to the hotel; the scenery was too beautiful to interrupt with words, though we didn't mind the silence. We were just content to be with each other. But soon, and a little too soon for me, we were back in the hustle and bustle of the city. "RACE YOU BACK TO THE HOTEL!" Carlos suddenly yelled, letting go of my hand and running.

"Wha – HEY!" I said, realizing that I had just given him a headstart. I started running, and soon surpassed him. Having slightly longer legs than your boyfriend was a good advantage in these races. I looked back and saw Carlos desperately trying to catch up, so I stuck out my tongue and laughed.

We ran a few more blocks, but I was getting tired. I didn't have Carlos' endless energy, so I stopped at a corner to catch my breath. Besides, he was still a good distance behind me. But that distance closed off pretty quickly, and soon he was no more than ten feet behind me, so I started to run again.

"LOGAN! LOOK OUT!" Carlos cried as I started to run. I looked to my left to see a car headed straight for me. I felt like a deer in headlights. All I could do was stare in horror, while my life flashed before my eyes. The car showed no signs of slowing down. Before the impact, I saw the driver – he was obviously drunk.

I closed my eyes, and said one final prayer, and then felt something crash into me… from behind… _Wait, wasn't the car to my left?_ I thought as I hit the pavement, scraping my hands in the process. I looked up and saw that I was closer to the other side of the street. _But… the impact should have knocked me into the intersection…_ I didn't know what the hell was going on… until I looked back. The car had finally swerved and crashed into a lamppost at another corner. And there was Carlos, in the middle of the intersection, a pool of blood gradually growing larger around his head. He wasn't moving. A crowd had gathered around the intersection, and all traffic had stopped.

"CARLOS!" I cried. "SHIT!" I ran over to him, and began to bawl. _He just saved my life. He took a fucking car for me_. I couldn't believe it. "C-C-Carlos! P-p-please talk to me!" He groaned, and I smiled, completely relieved that he was still alive. "Don't worry, Carlos! You're gonna be ok," I said more to myself than to him. I took care of him while I waited for the ambulance, which I could hear approaching from a mile away.

_At the hospital_

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT GONNA MAKE IT?" I yelled at the doctor who just broke the news to me.

"I'm sorry, but he sustained fatal injuries to the head when he fell from the impact," he replied calmly. "He also has a few broken bones," he said, still composed, and as if that even mattered.

"BUT HE GROANED WHEN I WAS WITH HIM WAITING FOR THE AMBULANCE!" I cried, in absolute hysterics. "I MADE SURE HE WAS OK! I TOOK CARE OF HIM – I FUCKING TOOK CARE OF HIM!"

"I'm sorry," the doctor said again. "But I'm afraid, if he's lucky, he'll probably only have at most a few more days – "

At that, I fell to the floor and cried harder than I had ever done in my life. "NO! HE CAN'T DIE! HE CAN'T!"

I felt a hand rubbing my back, and a voice say, "If you would like to go see your friend…" The person to whom the voice belonged helped me up, and I staggered into Carlos' hospital room with tears streaming down my face. I sat down next to his bed and took his hand.

"Logie?" he said weakly. I had never seen him more broken than now.

"Carlitos," I whispered, fearing that my voice would crack. I could feel fresh tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm not gonna make it, am I…" he said matter-of-factly, as if he knew already knew he was going to die, as if it was written in stone. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Don't say that." I was still whispering. "Please don't say that. You _will_ make it, because you're the strongest person I know! Don't listen to that doctor, he's retarded!"

He smiled feebly. I couldn't take seeing my boyfriend so fragile and exhausted. I couldn't help but break down again. I felt him squeeze my hand. "Don't worry, Logie. Whatever happens, happens, and for a reason. I'll be where I was meant to be." I just kept crying.

I heard the door to Carlos' room open, and a nurse said, "I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over."  
"Wait!" Carlos said, almost imperceptibly. "Please let him stay." I looked up at the nurse. My eyes must have been puffy and red. She looked down from my face to my hand, which was still intertwined with Carlos', and nodded knowingly.

After she had left, Carlos said to me, "Please don't leave me. I still need you here tonight." A tear slid down my cheek, and I nodded, knowing that I could no longer speak. I kissed him, hoping for the best. Then he said, "I think I'm gonnna sleep now, Logie. I'm really tired." I squeezed his hand in response. "Goodnight, babyboo." I nodded again. I felt the knot in my throat grow larger, and I really just couldn't talk anymore, especially after hearing that corny nickname he gave me. I used to hate it… but seeing Carlos like this… I could only cherish every word that he said.

Carlos closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep. He looked like an angel – a broken one, but still an angel nonetheless. I still couldn't believe he saved my life, and was now here, with the doctors doubting his longevity. It really wasn't fair at all.

I couldn't sleep. I just kept thinking _What if Carlos makes it? We can go home together, forget this ever happened, live like we won't lose each other. We can't, we just can't! He will make it, HE WILL MAKE IT._ Then all of a sudden… a flatline. "NURSE! DOCTOR! ANYONE, SOMEONE HELP!"

_A few days later_

Carlos didn't make it, and I couldn't believe it. The last few days of this vacation-turned-disaster were spent crying. James, Kendall, and Jo knew I was devastated, and did everything they could to comfort me, but they all tried in vain. Only one person could comfort me right now, and if he was here, I wouldn't even need comforting.

On the last day of our trip, we packed our bags in silence. It was too eerie without Carlos. I never thought I'd see the day when there wasn't a commotion around us because of his antics, his craziness, his happy-go-lucky attitude. He wasn't there to bother the captain as we boarded the ship, or cause chaos among the other passengers. He wasn't there to hold me while we looked toward the setting sun as we left in the opposite direction. He wouldn't be there any longer to kiss me goodnight as I fell asleep in his arms. I already missed him badly.

None of us spoke to each other as we got on. I just listened to the sound of a band nearby playing _Aloha _`_Oe_ solemnly.

_Ha`aheo ka ua i nâ pali  
Ke nihi a`ela i ka nahele  
E hahai (uhai) ana paha i ka liko  
Pua `âhihi lehua o uka_

_(Hui:)  
Aloha `oe, aloha `oe  
E ke onaona noho i ka lipo  
One fond embrace,  
A ho`i a`e au  
Until we meet again_

_`O ka hali`a aloha i hiki mai  
Ke hone a`e nei i  
Ku`u manawa  
`O `oe nô ka`u ipo aloha  
A loko e hana nei_

_Maopopo ku`u `ike i ka nani  
Nâ pua rose o Maunawili  
I laila hia`ia nâ manu  
Miki`ala i ka nani o ka lipo_

I knew the translation. It was a farewell song to a loved one. Pretty much exactly what I didn't get to do with Carlos. I felt some tears run down my cheek as the emotional impact of the lyrics hit me hard. I thought of the fact that I'd never see Carlos, feel his embrace or his sweet lips against mine, nor hear his soothing voice ever again. I thought of the future we'd never have together, and of the past that just made this loss so much worse. I collapsed onto the deck, and cried my heart out as Kendall and James carried me to our cabin. I couldn't take it anymore. With every passing second, I felt like I was abandoning Carlos on Hawaii, as if I was leaving his spirit behind. I could've sworn I saw him waving to me from the shore before my friends carried me away; unable to see the beach, instead I stared at the cabin's sky-blue walls and white ceiling. "Totally fits my mood," I said sarcastically as I turned myself over and cried into a pillow. "Perfect. Just fucking perfect."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Chapter finished. Other than this, I probably won't put an author's note until the end of the next chapter. I want my story to speak for itself :) Although there might be another apology for taking so long. Again, school keeps me busy. And then there's the fact that I write out of enjoyment more than a feeling of needing to update. So sorry in advance if I keep you waiting too long. But hopefully you enjoy the story enough that you can forgive me? :D

Also, please forgive me for killing Carlos. BUT I PROMISE: there's a purpose to that, and you'll see why next chapter, but that's all I'm telling you! So please just be patient and wait for the next chapter. I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE you'll see why I had to do it.

Translation of the song

Proudly swept the rain by the cliffs  
As it glided through the trees  
Still following ever the bud  
The `ahihi lehua of the vale

(Chorus:)  
Farewell to you, farewell to you  
The charming one who dwells in the shaded bowers  
One fond embrace,  
'Ere I depart  
Until we meet again

Sweet memories come back to me  
Bringing fresh remembrances  
Of the past  
Dearest one, yes, you are mine own  
From you, true love shall never depart

I have seen and watched your loveliness  
The sweet rose of Maunawili  
And 'tis there the birds of love dwell  
And sip the honey from your lips

Lyrics and translation from .org/Aloha/Aloha_


	3. Chapter 3: Paradise, Part 2

_**Paradise, Part 2**_

**Summary:** [Still no summary, I still don't want to give anything away. Sorry again!] Logan's POV.

**Warning:** More character death. THERE'S STILL A PURPOSE! And it will all make sense by the end of this chapter! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE.

**Author's Note:** I'm sick right now, so I'm sorry if this chapter sucks. And I still should be doing my homework… haha. But I hope that you get what I meant by "there's a purpose" to what I did to Carlos by the end of this chapter. Enjoy! :D This chapter was somewhat inspired by _The Five People You Meet in Heaven_, but not necessarily based on it.

_

* * *

Palmwoods_

We just got back to the Palmwoods four days after leaving Hawaii. But the nightmare still followed me. I couldn't believe I had lost Carlos on what was supposed to be an island paradise. My life is going down the drains without him. I needed to be with him. I needed to see him again. Why the hell did he have to die? It should've been me. I should've gotten hit by the car. It should've been me who had died. Carlos would've gotten along fine without me; he's stronger than I am. He could've dealt with it, but I couldn't.

"Logan?" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned around and saw James and Kendall looking at me, concerned. I realized that I had been standing in the middle of the living room, just staring out the window sadly.

"Logan, we know you're upset about Carlos' death right now, but we found something in his suitcase, and we're sure it was for you. Hopefully, it's not too soon right now. We feel like you deserve to know what it is, and that you should have it. Who knows, maybe it'll comfort you?" Kendall said. Then, James took out from behind his back a brown teddy bear holding a red heart in its lap, with a card taped to its hand. I took the teddy bear and the card.

"Thanks, guys," I told them. "I'm just gonna head to our… I mean, my room. I didn't get much sleep on the cruise, so hopefully I can knock out now." James and Kendall nodded, then hugged me before letting me go to my room.

But everything I told them was a lie. I didn't want them to see me break down again. I just needed to be alone.

I took a look at the bear. I hugged it tightly, knowing that it was a truly special gift. It even smelled like Carlos. Wishing that the real Carlos were here, I sat down on our… my bed and opened the card. I could tell the handwriting anywhere. I had to compose myself before I read the card. I tried to prepare myself, so I wouldn't cry, but I had the feeling that I wouldn't be able to stay calm.

_Dear Logan,_

_Happy Anniversary! I hope you feel the same way I do. This year has been so great, and I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend._

_Are you just as surprised as I am that Gustavo let us go to Hawaii only almost right after we moved to California? He must either really like us, or he got sick of us after the first few days of recording. Lol._

_Anyways, I'm rambling. I just wanted to let you know that I care about you a lot. I would do anything for you, and I hope you know that. :)_

_There's another surprise, but it's inside the teddy bear. Just find the zipper in its back. I love you, and I hope that all of this can adequately express my feelings to you._

_Love,_

_Carlos Garcia_

_P.S. Remember when you taught me what "rambling" and "adequately" meant? :D_

I smiled at the card, remembering how long it took to explain those two words to him. It was only a few days before we had gotten together. I loved every second of it though, because it meant that I got to spend time with him. But then I remembered that he wasn't here any longer, and tears started running down my cheeks.

I tried to stay strong as I turned the bear over. I unzipped its back, and reached inside. I pulled out a small velvet box, and bit my lower lip as I slowly opened the box. Inside, there was a gold ring, and a piece of paper folded was stuffed inside the lid. I took out the note and read it before I took out the ring.

_Dear Logan,_

_Here's part two of my gift! :D_

_Knowing you, you'll be reading this note first, so I guess I should just tell you now – although you'll probably figure it out – that this is a promise ring. And here's my promise:_

_I promise to always love, care for, protect, and cherish you for as long as I live, and even past death. Logan, don't you forget that you're my everything, and I'd be lost without you. I don't care how cliché that may sound, because it's true. So here's to us and many more happy and fun-filled years._

_Yours forever and always,_

_Carlos Garcia_

_P.S. Cliché! :D teehee. You taught me that too._

Tears were streaming down my face faster than ever. It seemed as if his promise to love me past death was true now. The bear and the ring found their way to me, right? But what happened to the "many more happy and fun-filled years"? If it was even possible, now I wanted Carlos here even more, to sit next to me on what used to be _our_ bed, to hug me close and never let go.

I took the ring out of the box. It was a gold band, and inscribed around the outside in fancy, calligraphic handwriting was _Mi amor, mi único, mi cielo_. My love, my one and only, my heaven. Exactly what Carlos was to me. I put the ring on my left hand. I felt another pang of sadness and pain hit me right in the heart, or at least, its pieces, which seemed to shatter again for the billionth time since Carlos had died. Then I fell face forward onto my pillow and broke down again. Why'd he have to leave me like this? Didn't he know how badly I'd miss him, how empty I'd feel?

I cried into the pillow for about an hour, trying but failing miserably to forget about Carlos. He meant too much to me for him to be forgettable. I looked back at the ring that he had posthumously given me through James and Kendall, and read the words over and over again. _Mi amor, mi único, mi cielo._ Suddenly it hit me: if I wanted to see Carlos again, if I wanted to be with him, there is only one solution: my own death. And I knew exactly what I was going to do.

I got off my bed and walked out of my room. Kendall and James were sitting on the couch, watching TV, but I could tell that they weren't really paying attention. "Hey, guys," I said. I was happy because I knew I'd be with Carlos soon, but I knew that James and Kendall would know something was up if I seemed too happy.

"Hey," James said. He still seemed distracted.

"Hey, Logan," Kendall responded after James. He looked up from his spot on the couch, and a puzzled look plastered his face. "You ok? You seem kinda happy all of a sudden." Shit, I came off happy. I knew I needed to play it off.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Still not able to sleep," I said, hoping that they'd buy it. "Do you know where Mama Knight's sleeping pills are?"

"Junk drawer," James said absent-mindedly. Kendall still seemed to be studying me.

"Thanks, James," I said. I opened the junk drawer and rifled through it until I found the pills. "Good, the bottle is nearly full," I quietly said to myself. I took it out, opened the fridge to get a few water bottles, and started walking to my room, nodding and smiling at my friends as I passed them. Suddenly, Kendall looked as if he had realized something, and then he slapped James upside the head and stood up. Fearing that he was onto me, I walked faster.

"LOGAN, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" Kendall suddenly yelled. It was a cue for me to run. As soon as I had gotten to my room, I closed and locked the door. Kendall pounded the door, still yelling at me.

"Kendall, what the hell?" I heard James say. "Why'd you slap me? And for God's sake, leave Logan alone!"

"NOT WHEN HE'S ABOUT TO KILL HIMSELF!"

"WHAT?"

"JAMES, YOU IDIOT! WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S SUDDENLY HAPPY AND WANTED THE SLEEPING PILLS?"

I could hear James trying to get me to open the door too. I couldn't risk my plan not working. I had to be with Carlos. I needed to do this. So I started pushing all the furniture against the door. "LOGAN, STOP! THIS ISN'T THE ANSWER!" James yelled.

"LOGAN, DON'T YOU DARE PILE FURNITURE AGAINST THE DOOR! LOGAN, FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!" Kendall screamed. But I already had the bed and chest of drawers against the door, and was currently pushing my desk too. "LOGAN!" Kendall and James cried. I could tell they were desperate to stop me. But I was even more desperate to get to Carlos.

"I'm sorry, guys," I said quietly. "But I need to be with Carlos. Life is nothing without him."

"I'm gonna call the police," I heard Kendall say quietly. He and James had stopped knocking on the door. I heard James crying on the other side, and what could only be Kendall's footsteps.

"Logan," James said, his voice thick with sadness. "Please don't do this! We already had one friend die, and we don't need another friend dead either. Carlos wouldn't want you to do this! And we were meant to be a _band_, not a duet."

"I don't care, James! I can't live without Carlos. These last few days have been hell, and I'm not going through it any longer. And yeah, we were supposed to be a band. The _four_ of us. With _Carlos_. But look on the bright side: You'll probably get your solo career soon, and Kendall can either pursue a solo career as well, or go back to hockey. Trust me, you two will be better off without me," I said. And with that, I opened the bottle of sleeping pills as well as a bottle of water, tossed a handful of pills into my mouth, and drank to my death. "LOGAN!" James shrieked. "KENDALL, HELP! HE-HE-HE – " I could tell he broke down at this point.

I started to feel nauseous, but I knew I couldn't throw the pills back up. I needed to keep going, so I kept downing more and more pills. It started to get hard to breath. _Don't stop now, Logan_, I thought to myself_._ I swallowed more pills, and swallowed hard to prevent myself from throwing up. I started to feel weak, so I leaned against the wall, and then I slumped down. The bottle was almost empty. _Just finish it off._ I did as I told myself. I could hear my friends, but they seemed very distant. "I'm sorry, guys," I said softly. I could tell that I would black out soon. I could have also sworn I heard Carlos singing. It was our song "Worldwide."

_I-I-I-I'm never, never, never as far away as it may seem. Soon we'll be together._

"We'll pick up right where we left off," I completed the lyrics. I took one last look at the promise ring Carlos was supposed to give to me. _Mi cielo__. _The answer to my problems. Heaven. Then, blackness took over my vision.

_Above the suicide_

I looked down to see my body, slumped on the floor. _So this is an out of body experience_. Then I heard someone crying. _James, I'm so sorry._ Pounding on the door. _Kendall… just give up_. I wondered how I was supposed to move as a spirit. _Maybe it's the same as with a physical body._ So I willed myself to move to the left, and it worked. Then I did a flip. I felt so carefree. Then I realized what I had done, and remembered my purpose. _How do I get to heaven?_ I sighed, but it was too hard to think with Kendall trying to knock the door down. I floated to the wall, and tested to see if I could get through. It worked. _Hollywood seems to have gotten something right._ I went through, and then saw James in a fetal position on the floor, bawling his eyes out. Kendall looked angry, sad, and determined to break through the door. He finally gave up after ten more minutes, and slumped against the entryway. Suddenly, the paramedics and the police swarmed into the apartment, but I was blinded by a bright light. _This must be it._ I moved toward it, but then turned around to try and see what was going on. James was still crying, and Kendall was trying to comfort him as the police tried to break through the door. _I'm sorry guys, but I really need to be with Carlos._ I turned back to the bright light, and continued floating to it.

_Heaven_

I found myself on a beautiful beach. The deep blue water lapped calmly at the shore, and white fluffy clouds lined the horizon. I looked inland and saw nothing but greenery. It seemed completely uninhabited. Urban life was nowhere to be seen. "Where am I?" I said to no one in particular.

"Heaven," I heard a familiar voice behind me say. "More specifically, my heaven." That angelic, melodic voice could only belong to the person I needed so badly. I turned around, and I knew that my face instantly lit up.

"Carlos!" I cheered. I ran to and jumped on him, and he caught me effortlessly.

"Hey, babyboo," he replied happily. I held onto him in a tight embrace, absolutely delighted that my plan had worked, and even more thrilled that I could feel Carlos' embrace again, smell his characteristic aroma, and even stare into his beautiful eyes.

I finally let go after a few minutes and took a good look at him. I didn't know it was possible, but he looked even better than I remembered. He only wore a white t-shirt and blue jeans, but he looked gorgeous. I smiled at him, but he looked at me sadly. "What's wrong, Carlitos?" I was worried he didn't want to see me.

"You killed yourself…"

I felt a little guilty. "I wanted to be with you! But I'm guessing you didn't want to see me."

"No, no, no! Don't get me wrong! I did want to see you, but I just didn't want you to commit suicide!"

I looked down sadly. _I did this for him._ Suddenly, I felt his arms around me again. "Please, don't cry. I just don't like seeing you getting hurt, especially when you hurt yourself."

"Well, I won't get hurt anymore, right? I'm in heaven."

"My heaven," he said, sticking out his tongue.

"Is there a difference?"

"Well… not really. Mine is just a part of the greater, collective 'heaven' – kind of like my own place in God's kingdom." He smiled, and I could swear that the sun above us shined more brightly as he flashed those beautiful, pearly-white teeth. "I chose an archipelago, like Hawaii. But I think it's prettier. And it's so awesome here! I can get anything I want!" Suddenly, a smoothie was floating beside him. "See?"

I chuckled. He was still the same Carlos that he was on earth. I adored his childlike innocence. But then I realized something. "If you could have anything you want, then why isn't there another me already here? Or why didn't I die right after you so I could be here?"

He looked at me somewhat sadly before he responded. "Well, I guess not _everything_. You can't have a person who isn't dead in your heaven, and you can't wish that they were dead either – it's not right. You'd just have to wait for them." Then he took a sip of his smoothie. "Mmm. Strawberry-banana. Want one?"

"No, I'm good. I just want to enjoy right now with you." I took his hand, and we just started walking down the beach. "Do you have a specific place you rest in? Like, a house?" All of a sudden, a small hut appeared in front of us.

"Like I said before, I can have anything I want," Carlos said.

"What about a mansion?" The small hut then turned into the largest mansion I had ever seen. "Wow."

"_Anything_," he repeated. The mansion disappeared, and we just kept walking.

We talked about everything, from the time we first met, to our first date, and to Gustavo discovering us. Eventually, we got to our trip to Hawaii. There was something on my mind, and I couldn't help but ask Carlos what I needed to know. "Baby, why'd you save me from the drunk driver?"

He squeezed my hand tighter, and said, "Like I've said before, I don't like seeing you get hurt. Seeing you dead would've been even worse. And like you read in the card and the note, I care about you. I would do anything for you, and I promised that I would protect you."

"But, you lost your life in the process," I said sadly, looking down at my bare feet. I stopped where I was, feeling guilty again. I closed my eyes as tears began to fall.

I felt a finger tilt my head up, and I opened my eyes to see Carlos studying me. He finally replied, "I didn't lose my life. I sacrificed it, so that I could pass life on to you. I wouldn't have been able to live if I had let you get hurt, when I knew very well that there was something I could do to protect you."

I smiled as Carlos wiped the tears from my face. "Well, you don't have to defend me anymore, now that we're both in heaven, right?"

"I guess," he said. "But I'd still like to hold you tight and pretend that I'm shielding you from danger." Subsequently, he pulled me into a tight embrace, and I laughed as he tickled me. Then we kept walking, the sun still high up in the sky.

"You said you can have anything you want," I stated, looking up at the sun in the sky. "How about a romantic sunset?"

"Anything for you, Logie." Suddenly, the sky was a deep purple, except around the orange sun, floating behind the horizon. The tranquil ocean reflected everything perfectly. It was definitely romantic. I looked at Carlos, who smiled at me. Everything was really perfect now, unlike the trip on the cruise ship back to California.

Carlos then looked up at the sky, and then he sadly looked down. "You know Kendall and James are really suffering now," he said. I looked up to where Carlos had stared, and saw in the sky a vision of Kendall and James, crying as the paramedics told them that there wasn't anything they could do about me.

"I wish I could do something about that," I admitted. "Like, make them forget about me."

"Or… you could go back," Carlos said.

"That's not possible. My brain has probably deteriorated past the point that I could have been revived, past the point of being anywhere acceptably functional! How long have I been dead?"

"In earth time, about half an hour."

"See? I can't go back. Besides, I want to stay here with you. You're my heaven, _mi cielo_." I said, as I pointed to my left ring finger, realizing that I still had on the ring. "We belong together, and now that I'm dead, I can be with you, and we can make this _our_ heaven, and – "

Carlos cut me off. "You can't stay here, Logan. No matter how much either of us want you to."

"Why not?" I cried desperately.

"Because you aren't dead."

"What do you mean? Just look at the sky! Of course I'm dead!" I said, pointing to the vision in which James and Kendall were still crying.

"No, you aren't." Carlos then kissed me, and his heaven started to crumble. "Stay strong, Logie. You can make it without me. I'll wait here patiently for you."

"No!" I screamed. Suddenly, I felt a strong slap across my face, and everything – including Carlos – crumbled into blackness.

_Palmwoods_

I woke up in a cold sweat, and saw Kendall next to my bed. "Sorry, I had to slap you. I was walking by to go to the bathroom, and it looked like you were having a nightmare. I tried to wake you up by shaking you, but it looked like you refused to get up." I looked around the room. Carlos was nowhere to be seen. And neither were his gifts. _So my suicide was just a dream. That whole day was just a dream. I'm not with Carlos, and he's dead…_

"Kendall, where are your mom's sleeping pills?" I asked. I couldn't stand being without my only love.

Kendall looked at me confused. "Why do you need those? I mean, I'm sorry I woke you up, but I'm sure you can get back to sleep easily."

"BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM!" I broke down in tears.

James appeared in the doorway, looking super tired. "What's with all the talking and yelling? It's 3 A.M. and I need my beauty sleep." He yawned, but then noticed that I was crying. "Logan, what's wrong? Are you ok?"

"HOW CAN YOU ASK ME WHAT'S WRONG, OR IF I'M OK? HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT CARLOS IS FUCKING DEAD? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT HIM?" With that, I jumped off my bed and pushed past James to try and find the sleeping pills myself. At the end of the hallway, I ran into someone, and we both fell. I rolled off of the mystery person and continued to cry, knowing that Kendall would be after me soon to stop me, and that he would be able to, because I ran into an obstacle that completely stopped me from carrying out my suicidal intentions.

I heard the mystery person groan and stir up. "Logan?" I heard the unidentified person say. That voice… it sounded super familiar.

I shot up quickly as I realized who it was. "Carlos?"

"Logie, what's wrong?"

Instead of responding, I jumped back on top of him and held him tight as a cried into his shoulder. "Logie?" Carlos said, his voice full of concern.

All I could do was half-mumble, half-stutter into his neck, "You aren't dead, you aren't dead."

He then wrapped his arms tightly around me and said, "Of course I'm not dead. Why would I be?" By now, I was crying too hard to respond. But I was happy, and beyond relieved to know that Carlos wasn't dead. "Logie?" he said, still sounding troubled.

I heard footsteps approach us, and then Kendall's voice say, "I'm guessing he had a really bad nightmare…"

"… about you dying," James finished Kendall's sentence.

Carlos then hugged me tighter as he whispered into my ear, "Shh. Shh. Stop crying, Logan. I'm alive, the nightmare's over, and that's all it was – a bad dream. Please stop crying." He held me until I had stopped sobbing, but my breathing pattern was still raggedy. He sat up, but I refused to let go, even as he tried to stand. So instead, he carried me back to our room as I heard him tell Kendall and James, "Don't worry about Logan. I'll take care of him."

Carlos then tried laying me down on the bed, but I refused to let go. "Logie, please let go for just a second. I promise, I'm not going anywhere." Somehow, I managed to unlock my intertwined fingers. He then lay me down on the bed and got in next to me. I hooked my fingers together around the back of his neck and held him close, as I started to cry again. Carlos held me too, rubbing my back in an attempt to relax me. As soon as I had calmed down, Carlos said, "Wanna talk about it?"

I quickly and quietly described the whole nightmare to him: how we were vacationing in Hawaii, how he had saved me from a drunk driver, how he died in his sleep, how James and Kendall had given me his anniversary present, how I decided to commit suicide to be with him, how heaven was, and how he had told me that I couldn't stay right before Kendall had slapped me awake. I was crying again by the end of it. "Logie, please stop crying. It's breaking my heart," Carlos pleaded.

"But everything seemed so real. I thought I actually lost you," I replied. Suddenly, he pinched my arm really hard. "OW!"

"See, Logie? That was all just a bad dream, and this is reality. You never lost me." I held Carlos closer as I pressed my lips against his. He chuckled after I pulled away. "You know, you should've realized it was a dream as soon as it started. Gustavo would never let us go to Hawaii right after we had just arrived in California." I was shocked that I hadn't realized that during my dream, and then I nodded my head in agreement. I placed my head in the crook of Carlos' neck as he continued to chuckle.

We stayed like that for a while before I finally spoke up again. "Why didn't you wake me up? And why weren't you there when I woke up?" I asked, distraught at the realization that my boyfriend hadn't been there to wake me up and comfort me at the very second the nightmare had started.

He blushed before whispering, "I'm sorry, Logie. I woke up about half an hour ago, and I was hungry, so I went in the kitchen to eat… I would have woke you up if I had been here to realize that you were having a bad dream."

Typical Carlos – hungry 24/7. I smiled and kissed his forehead. "The important thing is that we're still together though," Carlos continued.

"Yeah," I replied, happily smiling. Then something else dawned on me, so I continued, "Can you promise me something?"

"What is it?"

"Promise me that you won't sacrifice your life for me."

His face scrunched up in distress and sadness. "You can't make me promise you that Logan. I love you too much to not protect you."

"Then promise me that you won't die in the process."

"Dying isn't really a decision that I can make," Carlos replied. "Since when am I more logical than you?" he teased.

"I'm sorry, ok? I just… don't want to go through life alone. Or more specifically, without you."

"You won't have to. I'm right here. Let's just enjoy now, and cherish every moment we have together."

I wasn't completely happy with his response, but I knew he was right. He loved me too much to let me suffer, and he couldn't survive simply based on the decision that he wouldn't die if he was fatally injured. I lay quietly, thinking over everything. In a way, I wish I hadn't had that dream. But it did have a good lesson. We need to cherish every moment we have with the people we love. It's never certain when they'll suddenly disappear.

I was about to fall asleep, when I heard Carlos speak up. "Logie?"

"Yeah, Carlitos?"

"I was planning on giving this to you later, but I feel that I might as well give it to you now." I looked up at him as he pulled out, from behind a pillow, a brown teddy bear with a red heart in its lap and a gold ring on a chain around its neck. "Besides, it seems like your super-genius brain gave you psychic abilities, so you already, kinda, almost know what I got you. I decided against a card because I wanted to tell you how I feel in person, but after your nightmare, I don't think there's anything I can add; you know perfectly well how I feel about you." He smiled as I took the gift and hugged it close. But this time, it was real, and Carlos was here to hold me as I took the ring off the chain and put it on my hand. Inscribed around it in fancy calligraphy was _Mi amor, mi único, mi cielo__._ Exactly like in my dream, but even better with Carlos by my side. "Happy Anniversary, babyboo. I love you."

"I love you too," I replied, wishing that I could think of an embarrassing nickname for him on-the-spot. But whatever. Carlos was lying here next to me, and he's all I want. I snuggled closer to him as we fell asleep, simply happy to be in each other's arms, a teddy bear squished between us.

**

* * *

Author's Note:** I TOLD YOU THE CHARACTER DEATHS HAD A PURPOSE. Even though they never actually died… teehee? :D But I felt that the warnings were appropriate since you wouldn't find out that they didn't die until the end. And I do realize that this chapter was longer than the others, but I didn't feel like I could split it up at any good place, nor did I want to split it. Besides, I just wanted to end Logan's nightmare. Two chapters are more than long enough.

Ending too cliché? Yeah, yeah, I know. "Ooooh it was just a nightmare." Sorry, but I don't have the heart to actually kill Carlos or Logan, much less _both_ of them. That would be like throwing two teddy bears into a crocodile's mouth. I love them way too much to do that to them. :3

Sorry if Logan's suicide isn't medically accurate. I looked up and incorporated a few symptoms of overdose on sleeping pills, but I wasn't really sure what happens, nor do I intend to find out.

To Sean (aka Bone Chills): I know you hate the word "babyboo," but I can't stop myself from using it. I feel that it's appropriate in these situations. But I have eased up on the word, and will keep its usage fairly light. Consider it Carlos' way of maturing while still staying connected to his past. :)

To all my readers: please **REVIEW!** I like having e-mails saying "FF Review Alert." It makes me happy to know that people are reading my story.

By the way, an update probably won't come for a while. I'm feeling a bit uninspired at the moment, and on top of that, school is gonna take up most of my time. I promise you, I haven't given up on the story, because it's all planned out! Even somewhat written, so it would be a shame to just stop. But **REVIEWS** might give me more inspiration…? :D


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